


None Of My Business

by riversides



Category: La casa de papel | Money Heist (TV)
Genre: Angst, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Ralicia, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:01:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25138111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riversides/pseuds/riversides
Summary: A New Year's Eve changes Alicia's and Raquel's lives forever - or would have, if it weren't for the fact that they had hoped they would never have to see each other again after the Academy.But life had its own plans.This story follows the two women through years in the past.
Relationships: Raquel Murillo/Alicia Sierra
Comments: 66
Kudos: 94





	1. Midnight Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! This is the first story I’m writing for La Casa de Papel, also English is not my first language (I originally published this story in Portuguese on Spirit Fanfiction), so please be patient with me. This story came up from an idea I got on the first scene we saw between Alicia and Raquel, that phone call where they say it’s been a long time, and it’s purely me trying to piece together what happened between these two in the past.
> 
> Also this was originally supposed to be a oneshot but I decided to keep it going. I hope you enjoy it!  
> Feel free to leave comments and feedbacks :)

The steam from the coffee blows on Raquel's face as she gets into the car, out of breath. This was the second time that week she was going to be late - but this time, she was not the one to blame, her alarm clock had not gone off. At least this was her last day at the academy, she thought.

"Ángel, please, tell everyone I'm going to be about 20 minutes late, but I'm on my way," she asked her friend over the phone.

She took a deep breath, hoping she wouldn't get any punishment for being late again and stepped on the accelerator.

***

Alicia stamped her foot impatiently beside the vehicle, raising her arm to check the clock every 30 seconds.

"Finally," she huffed when Rachel finally arrived.

"Sorry," Raquel said and hurried to enter the vehicle, rolling her eyes without Alicia noticing it.

The truth is they were never really friends. At some point, Raquel even thought that, instead, they were closer to being enemies. All those years they spent together at academy, they were never close, just colleagues who were kind of forced to live together and see each other every day. They were practically indifferent to one another. But Raquel admitted that Alicia managed to be very annoying when she wanted to and had a judgmental look that made the brunette feel uncomfortable at times.

Alicia got in and started the car.

"You know what, think the bright side," Raquel blurted out, "This is our last round."

Alicia decided to ignore her, fixing her eyes on the road.

"It's our last round _together_ ," she insisted.

"Now I feel better," Alicia turned and gave her an angry look, but Raquel realized that the redhead was a little more relaxed now.

"Are you going tomorrow night?" Raquel asked, after a few

uncomfortable minutes of round in silence, trying to sound casual and make some small talk.

By _tomorrow night_ Raquel was referring to the police's New Year's Eve party, which - why not - would also be considered a celebration of their last day at the academy.

Alicia snorted.

"Yeah, I think I can make that last sacrifice."

***

"For someone who made a sextape with him, you didn't look very happy,” Alicia teased and laughed, and Raquel realized that she had never seen the redhead so relaxed like that night. She wondered how much exactly she had been drinking since the party started. Not that she was much better herself, considering that she had already lost count of how many drinks she had taken so far.

“Shut the fuck up, Sierra,” Raquel replied, but deep down she was grateful for what her colleague had just done for her.

Ortigosa had been after her for the thousandth time that night, even though she told him again and again that they were done. That last time, she spotted Alicia a few meters away, and the redhead probably noticed her irritation, since, seconds later, she approached and wrapped one arm around Raquel's shoulder.

"Murillo! Thank God I found you!" and pulled her away, holding her drink with her free hand.

Alicia guided them until they reached the balcony, free of people and loud noises and men who didn't know when to stop.

The redhead lit a cigarette.

"Want one?" she offered, and Raquel gladly accepted it.

"Thank you for getting me out of there," she said, and Alicia nodded, blowing the smoke towards the starry sky.

The two remained silent for some minutes, and Raquel wondered what was going on on the redhead's head at that moment. The truth is that she never fully understood Alicia. On purpose or not, she was a mystery. Not that they were close enough that Raquel could know much about her personal life, but in fact it was strange to know so little of someone with whom she spent time almost every day over the past years. She wondered if anyone knew - Did Alicia have any close friends? - or if she was a private person with everyone.

"I couldn't wait for this shit to end" Alicia broke the silence. "But now I think I'm going to miss it. I may even miss you too, Murillo.”

"Okay, what did you drink?" Raquel said playfully, and she laughed.

"Yeah, well, our time in the Academy is definitely over," Raquel continued. “But maybe I'll see you around.”

Alicia shrugged.

"I hope not," she teased, and Raquel laughed, shaking her head.

The redhead threw her cigarette away and then lit another one. "Hey, do you want to dance?"

***

Whatever Alicia had been drinking, Raquel would love to find it out, because she had never seen her colleague as loose as she had seen her that night. If someone had told her before that she would someday be dancing and having fun with Alicia Sierra, she wouldn't have believed it. She could swear that she would just spend the whole night with Ángel.

Raquel cursed when she saw Ortigosa coming towards her again and quickly pulled Alicia into the nearest bathroom.

"Wow", the redhead exclaimed, surprised and smiling mischievously. "Look Murillo, I don't understand you because, from what I could see on the sextape, you seemed to be really enjoying what he was do -"

"Alicia, for God’s sake, stop talking about this stupid sextape!" Raquel interrupted in exasperation.

"But didn't you like it then?" Alicia continued, holding back her laughter.

"Did you enjoyed fucking González?" Raquel shot back, crossing her arms.

Alicia looked at her in surprise.

"I'm not the only one in the academy who is the target of gossip, you know, " Raquel continued.

"Look... if you really want to know this badly, it sucked," Alicia admitted.

Raquel couldn't help but burst out of laughing, and Alicia followed her.

"Well at least one of us had fun with our colleagues during our time here", the redhead attested, shrugging.

Raquel checked her watch. "There is still time, you know. It’s 5 minutes till midnight," she joked, raising her eyebrows. "And from what I can see," she looked at the drink in her colleague's hand, "You seem to be having a great time."

Alicia rolled her eyes.

"You know what I mean." She put her glass on the sink and leaned against it. "Five to midnight, you say?"

"Yes", Raquel approached and leaned on the sink beside her. "We should get going if we don't want to miss the fireworks. I told Ángel we would -”

Raquel interrupted herself before she could finish. Alicia looked ahead, reflective, and the brunette thought she saw a glimpse of sadness in her eyes. It slightly despaired her. She had never seen Alicia show even an ounce of vulnerability, and by now she had begun to think that the woman had no feelings at all.

"Is everything okay?" Raquel asked worried, unsure of what to say. All those drinks were really slowing her thoughts.

Alicia sighed.

"It’s just... This thing of closing cycles and celebrating it. I always thought it was bullshit. But now... I don't know. I feel like my life isn't exactly where I imagined it would be."

"I understand." Raquel nodded, trying to hide her surprise that Alicia was sharing something so personal like this with her.

"Maybe it was all the drinking," she joked, giving her a half smile.

"Maybe" Raquel smiled back.

"So you told Ángel you would what?" Alicia asked, curiously. "Kiss him at midnight?" She teased.

Raquel rolled her eyes and then smiled, shaking her head at Alicia.

"I'm going to miss you too, Sierra." She patted the redhead's shoulder with her own, lightly.

The sound of fires became audible and Raquel looked at her watch again.

"It’s midnight. We'd better get going..."

She couldn't finish the sentence, because at that very moment, Alicia closed the distance between them and kissed her.

"What..." Raquel began to say in surprise, but stopped herself when Alicia put her hand on her waist. And then, she finally surrendered.

Raquel intertwined her fingers in the redhead's hair, while Alicia slid her hand slightly from her waist to Raquel's back, naked due to her backless dress.

The brunette pulled her closer and, without breaking their contact, pulled her up against the wall. She squeezed her waist tightly, while Alicia kissed her neck, panting.

***

Raquel was unable to say how much time the two of them spent there, stuck in that tiny space. If someone had told her that one day she would be fucking Alicia Sierra in a public bathroom at a party, she never in a million years would have believed it.

A sudden knock on the door startled the pair and made them separate.

"Raquel!" Ángel shouted outside. "Raquel, are you there?"

"Shit" Raquel said quietly. "Ángel. I completely forgot."

Raquel composed herself, trying to sound as normal as she could.

"I'm here," she shouted back, adjusting her clothes and fixing her hair. "I'm on my way, give me 2 minutes."

"It’s okay," Alicia nodded. “I hate to admit it, but it turns out you were right. There was still time for one last adventure before all this was over,” and with that, she gave the brunette a last kiss, softly, holding her face in her hands.

"Goodbye, Murillo" Alicia said smiling. "See you around."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! I would love to hear what you thought. I'm already working on a sequel to this story because Ralicia has way too much potential to end here. I hope you will join me on this ride! 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


	2. Bridges

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of an introductory chapter to the next part of this story, but I hope y'all enjoy it anyway. Let me know what you think of it!

_Goodbye, Murillo. See you around._

_Around_ took years.

Precisely, eight years until the two of them were put to work together. 

To see yourself suddenly working with a former academy colleague was a possible and even common scenario in the police. It was interesting to meet them again at another time in life, with other problems, other relationships, and with more work and life experiences - although, as both Raquel and Alicia had already observed, in all these years of working in an essentially male environment, that did not necessarily mean more maturity.

Alicia woke up mentally cursing the alarm clock. She had received a call from her superior the day before - _be here at 7 am sharp, you are scheduled for a new case._

She got up and checked herself in the mirror in front of her bed, dark circles under her eyes shouting her tiredness from the rooftops. She heard a meow, and turned her head just to find the Comisario watching her from the corner of the room, as if he wanted to scold her for her lack of sleep.

"What?" She crossed her arms, looking at the cat. "I love my job," she declared. "I love my job," she repeated to herself, sighing and massaging her temples.

***

Miles away, Raquel cursed and hit the toaster repeatedly - the simplest way to get any equipment working again - before checking her watch again and accepting that there was no time for that anymore if she really wanted to arrive at 7 am at the police station. Her stomach would have to be satisfied with just the apple she had just eaten.

"This is going to be a great day," she huffed.

Swearing again in frustration, she grabbed her things and headed for another day of work.

The police station was still silent when Raquel arrived, the cold from the air conditioning hitting her face. The police commissioner was waiting for her in his office, behind a table with papers spread out everywhere. He gave Raquel a nod when she entered, which she previously acknowledged meant both _good morning_ and _close the door behind you._

"Sit down, Murillo."

Raquel obeyed, choosing one of the two chairs in front of him, and waited for him to explain the case to her. However, he just remained silent and checked the clock on the wall, and Raquel realized that he was expecting another person. Apparently she wouldn't be alone in that case.

The clock pointer reached seven at the same time that the sound of high heels echoed in the hall and the door opened again. Raquel turned to the door, hoping to see who the person she would be working with would be.

_Red_ was the first thing Raquel's eyes fixed on, long strands of red hair that wouldn't let the person wearing them go unnoticed, followed by the long nails, and she realized who she was before she even saw her face.

 _It is not possible_ , Raquel thought, surprised when, a second later, Alicia verbalized the same aloud.

"It can't be it," she crossed her arms, the same smug expression and the same provocative smile that Raquel remembered. "Raquel Murillo."

"Alicia Sierra," Raquel returned, suppressing an eye roll.

"Sit down, Sierra, please," the commissioner instructed, and Alicia obeyed, taking the chair next to Raquel. "I see you guys already know each other."

"Barely," Raquel promptly declared. Which was true. In part. Because yes, she knew Alicia Sierra, but it wasn't like she knew much about her. Except for…

Raquel dismissed the memory from her mind before it could leave her disconcerted in front of Alicia - and her boss.

"Great," the commissioner continued. "It makes things easier. Let's get to the case."

Years later, Raquel would remember that phrase and laugh bitterly at its irony. If that man had known that this would have made _their case_ much more difficult, he would have sent them both home right away.

***

"I meant it when I said I hoped to never see you again in my life, Murillo," Alicia teased, after not even a minute after that the two of them had entered the room where they would be working for the next months. The room was simple, with two desks facing each other, and a computer at each.

Raquel shrugged, settling right at the table farthest from the door.

"Well, then it's a shame for you," she countered.

Alicia gave her another one of those pretentious smiles and settled for the table that was left for her, spreading her stuff over it immediately and taking a bag of donuts out of her bag.

"Want one?" She offered it to Raquel, without taking that expression off her face.

"No, thank you." Raquel replied, more to her stomach that snored pleadingly than to Alicia.

"Take it," Alicia approached, holding out the candy to Raquel. "It's not poisoned, you know" she joked at her colleague's persistent hesitation.

The phrase made Raquel laugh involuntary, and she finally took the candy and joked back.

"If I die, they'll know it was you."

"I'm sure I could get away with it," Alicia winked at her.

"You haven't changed a thing, Sierra," she said, shaking her head.

Alicia widened her smile and returned to her desk, taking the usual care not to let her thoughts be noticed through her face. If Raquel knew how much she had changed since that New Year's Eve party, many years ago…

Alicia started the job, letting the memories take over her. If this reunion with Raquel had happened years ago, when she spent the nights struggling with her own feelings, which arose after _that one night_ and did not seem to want to leave her mind and her heart, she would have panicked. But not now. Years of trying to convince her heart to stop racing and her stomach to stop turning and her brain to stop thinking about her and putting insane ideas in her head, like calling her, had the desired effect of burying deep down those emotions once and for all. Her mind was treading on meters and meters of solid ground that allowed her to believe that she would be safe from any insanity at that moment, and effectively, for the time that she would be working with Raquel.

Not that she had time to think about anything, anyway. She knew how to recognize when an investigation would take months and drown her in work on a daily basis, filling her with levels so high of adrenaline that it would make sleep seem like an impossible option. It was perfect.

***

"You haven't changed a thing, Sierra." Raquel could not help but suppress a smile. Alicia was terribly annoying, however, although Raquel hated to admit it, she was funny. And Raquel knew she was going to make her life a living hell for the next months - yes, she had a notion that this case would go on for months - but, somehow, that was a game that made Raquel quite excited; listen to Alicia Sierra's comments and hit them back, just like they used to do in the academy.

_The Academy_.

The memory of the last time she had seen Alicia invaded her mind for the second time that day. All those years later and it still looked like an outbreak. There is always a little bit of embarrassment about working with a colleague that you once had sex with in the past, even if both parties involved tried their best to be totally focused on their jobs and to coexist in each other’s presence pretending that nothing had happened - luckily enough, Raquel had some experience with this. Ángel, Ortigosa... and now, Alicia.

Raquel shrugged, determined to repeat the process of pretending that nothing had happened. There could be no embarrassment if they were going to work together for a long time. In addition, she knew that _Alicia_ would not let any embarrassment show and, if Raquel did, Alicia could interpret it as a sign that that night had meant something to her, and the redhead's presumption would rise to the space. Besides, it didn't even matter now. She had been in a relationship for the past two years and things were going great for her, she felt as happy as she hadn't felt in a long time.

The morning flew by. The two women analyzed the case together, turned over some papers, gathered data, raised ideas, discussed hypotheses, took notes, bickered with each other here and there. Raquel's stomach was already lost in time and even forgot the need for food, until it was awakened by the call announcing that it was time for lunch, and Raquel answered it promptly.

"Hi, babe."

"I'm already here," his voice declared on the other end of the line.

Raquel gave him instructions to the room where she was.

***

A knock on the door announced someone's arrival.

"Come in," Raquel instructed.

Alicia turned around curiously. Babe. Who was it?

The door opened and a man entered the room, coming upon her.

"Alicia Sierra," he noted, arching his eyebrows.

"Alberto Vicuña," Alicia replied, with a formal nod, hiding her surprise. First Ortigosa and now _Vicuña_. May God have mercy on that woman's rotten finger for men.

"So you’re the one who’s you going to cover for my girlfriend on Friday nights so she can go out with me earlier, huh?" Alberto winked.

"You bet," Alicia snapped, dryly and ironically. She never liked Alberto, and she had never been amused by any of his jokes. And she had heard many - unfortunately, she had had the displeasure to work with him a few times. "And you're the lucky guy, I suppose?" she teased, looking away from him to Raquel.

"You can bet I am," Alberto smiled at Raquel, approaching her and greeting her with a kiss. Alicia watched the scene in a mixture of disdain and amusement.

Alberto handed Raquel a bag with what Alicia imagined would be her lunch.

"I brought your favorite," he said, smiling.

How sweet.

"Call me when you're going home, okay?" Alberto asked, heading for the door.

Raquel agreed and the two were alone again.

Alicia raised her eyebrows at Raquel, pursing her lips.

"I would have chosen Ángel," she teased.

Raquel rolled her eyes, opening the lunch box. "Shut up, Sierra."

"You and your boyfriend intend to starve me with that smell of food here in the room every day, huh?"

Raquel gave her a look of false amusement. 

"Only for today." She pointed at the food. "Do you want some?"

"No way."

"It's not poisoned, you know?" Raquel provoked.

_I wouldn't be so sure,_ Alicia thought to herself. She had worked with Alberto long enough to be able to claim that he was a douchebag.

"Don't worry, I still have several of these," she took the bag of donuts out of her bag again showing it to the brunette.

"Are you serious that you're going to have that for lunch?"

Alicia laughed.

"I thought you knew better, Raquel. It seems like you don't even know me at all." She got up and went to the door. "I'm going to a restaurant nearby. I hope you’re ready for more work once I get back," she teased.

Alicia left the room in time to see Raquel roll her eyes again, but this time, with a smile on her face.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what, do you guys think? I'm so excited about the next chapters, I have a lot of ideas.
> 
> I also have a playlist for this fic, check it out!  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6wjins4VQoVaPqZjEfr92p?si=7IxuQcpmQViCnRr_Mu5nYQ
> 
> Some songs might be spoilers...? Who knows? Tell me what you think!


	3. It's Happening Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Hope you like this chapter x

Raquel was right when she imagined Alicia would give her hell in the workplace. 

Their first month working together could be summed up by Alicia criticizing her work in every possible way and pushing her over the edge. She would read a document Raquel had just written and put it on the brunette's desk in front of her, her long nails on the paper: "This is crap, write it again," to which Raquel would usually give her an irritated look and reply: "If it's that bad, then do it yourself." And it would anger her even more that Alicia _would_ actually rewrite it herself.

"What do you want from me?" Raquel kind of yelled one day, losing her patience.

Alicia gave her a smile, which annoyed Raquel immensely, and leaned onto her desk so that their faces would be very close.

"I just push you because I know you're a great professional and I know you can do better than this."

"Well, thank you, mentor," Raquel replied sarcastically, "but a compliment from time to time would be very helpful, you know. It would help me stay motivated," she said, raising her eyebrows.

"Hey, I _just_ called you a great professional. Besides," Alicia leaned even closer. "We both know you work better when you're angry with me."

"That would be 24/7," Raquel retorted and the redhead smiled maliciously again, satisfied.

Deep down, Raquel knew that what Alicia had pointed out was true, but, God, she really meant it when she said Alicia got on her nerves all day every day, because she would also have the bad habit of calling her about work at times in which they were not supposed to be working - late at night, weekends, day offs - did she ever rest?

"I called you five times, what took you so long?" She complained over the phone one day.

"I was _fucking_ , and you _fucking_ ruined it," Raquel yelled, exasperated.

Alicia didn't seem sorry about it. 

"Well, get yourself dressed we got work to do."

Gradually, Raquel got used to it. At some point, she even _wanted_ and expected to be teased even before Alicia said anything, and would even tease her first to get a response. It was definitely a game that Raquel enjoyed. As the first weeks went by, even though they were fighting 90% of the time, there were also moments when their banter would turn into funny moments. Alicia had a way of getting on her nerves and still making her laugh.

"Raquel, come here," Alicia called her urgently from her desk one day, staring at the computer.

"What?" Raquel rushed to Alicia's desk, thinking she might have figure out something really important to the case. 

Alicia pointed at the computer. 

It was a fucking cat video.

"Look at this cat, he is so funny!"

"Alicia," Raquel reprehended her, very annoyed. "I thought it was something serious."

"Don't be so boring, Raquel, it's a cat wearing a _sombrero_ and falling from a table! Look!" Alicia played the video again and laughed.

Raquel paid attention to the video this time, and a laugh escaped from her as well.

"Fine, it's funny, I'll give you that."

"Told ya!" Alicia opened a large smile.

At the end of the second month, Raquel could even say they got kind of close. Sure being together almost every day and some night shifts too, there was simply no way they wouldn't talk about things not work-related. They would smoke together outside and one of them would mention tv programmes, the news, plans for the weekend...

Their fights became less frequent, and Raquel had to admit that she liked Alicia's company even outside the workplace.

"Hey, do you like Japanese?" Raquel asked her one day, when they got back in the car after visiting some place related to the investigation.

"There's a great restaurant nearby and it's one of my favorites. Would you join me for lunch?"

"We've come a long way from you offering me meat from your cold lunch box to taking me to a proper restaurant." Alicia gave her a side smile. "I'd love to join you for lunch, Raquel."

Raquel smiled back.

"Well, I guess I owe you a donut too."

Alicia laughed and shook her head.

"Nah, those are on my account."

And she was serious. Alicia would leave a bag of donuts at Raquel's desk almost everyday before she arrived, and Raquel would great her with a warm cup of coffee when she got to the station.

Eventually, they became friends. They had lunch together almost everyday, except for when Raquel would do it with Alberto, they shared car rides while listening to each other's playlists and old CDs, they would exchange and comment the latest work gossips. At some point, after a really long, stressful and tiresome day, Raquel had an amazing idea. 

"You, me. Closest bar. Call it a girls night out. No men, no colleagues, just the two of getting loaded with tequila because heavens know we need it."

"Yes!" Alicia agreed immediately, almost in a moan. "God, I knew you had some great ideas in that head of yours."

The _girls night out_ became their thing. Almost every week they would go to a bar and get as drunk as they could get. They had never gotten along so well. If only they knew what would happen, they would have ran away from each other in that exact moment, saving those good memories with them before they were ruined.

  
  


But they didn't. And Alicia blamed herself for it.

She thought she could do it. She thought she could work with Raquel and manage to stay safe from her own feelings. But she probably should have added concrete, steel and a hundred locks on top of the place where they were buried in her heart, because, even though it took her years to succeed at keeping them very quiet there, it only took six months for those feelings to emerge to the surface and hit her at full strength, even more powerful than before, swallowing her whole until she was the one imprisoned by them.

And it angered her to the bones because she had tried so hard not to let that happen. She was proud to say she was an expert at being in control of everything, including herself, at all times. She had mastered it from a young age - having a violent father who would beat the hell out of her mother in front of her and leave young Alicia to pick up the pieces of both of them when he finally disappeared from their lives - to control her feelings and also not to show them, ever, to anyone, because people could take advantage of her. She learned not to show any weaknesses, because that was the only way people would respect her. She learned how to be a force of nature wherever she went so no one would ever dare to get close to her and hurt her. So, why would this subject be any different? What did Raquel have that broke all her defenses?

Alicia wanted to keep their relationship all about work since the beginning. Of course she liked to tease her, but that's what she used to do with many of her colleagues, so it was still a work thing. And of course she liked to watch Raquel get back at her, but that was just because it made everything more exciting, right? But the fact that Alicia even tried to be mean and intimidating, like she did to all of her colleagues at times, and even though Raquel showed that it infuriated her tremendously, she somehow also seemed to _like_ it and would show Alicia that she was not intimidated at all and would fight her equally drove Alicia insane.

So insane that she only realized what she was getting herself into when she was already there - when she saw herself wanting to be around her more often, when she stopped annoying her all the time and started to be _soft_ towards her, when she would be disappointed that Raquel would have lunch with her boyfriend instead of her, when she began to actually worry about Raquel dating a man that Alicia recognized as the biggest red flare of potentially abusive men she knew, when she realized they were now friends, like they never managed to be in the Academy.

She hated herself and she hated her feelings and she just wanted to run away again, because going through all of it once more was too much for her, and this time it wouldn't even be her fault for not reaching out for her. Because, this time, Raquel was right in front of her, except that she had a boyfriend with whom she seemed very content with. This time, Alicia couldn't take any actions towards those feelings even if she wanted to. And she didn't want to. Or did she? Damn, she feared she would go more and more insane every day.

No, she didn't want to. She had her chance with Raquel and she lost it. She could have called her in the days that followed that New Year's Eve party. She could have told her everything, and if she was rejected, at least she couldn't blame herself for not trying. But she didn't do any of it, and that's because she was _scared_ . Of course she'd had sex with woman before Raquel, but she had never been in _love_ with one, and _love_ scared the hell out of her. Her control complex wouldn't let her be okay with love. Especially with a woman. 

But now, eight years later, she could say she had been into relationships with women in the past. They weren't many and they didn't last long, as well as the ones she had with men in those years, but she had, and she had many years of development to truly accept herself and be okay with that. She asked herself what she would do if Raquel was single, now that that wasn't a problem anymore. But she knew that Raquel was different. Because Alicia had never felt anything so strong for _anyone_ the way she did with her. And again, the fear of losing control probably would've held her back once more.

Alicia sighed, turning down her lamp, trying once again to sleep when her mind was so full. It didn't do her any good to think about any of those things. She would just have to try to suppress those infuriating feelings once again and pretend they didn't exist.

And hell, how she tried.

However, at some point, it became really hard, especially with Alberto seeming to be around all the time, and Raquel talking about him with her because that's what friends are supposed to do. Seeing him with Raquel made Alicia want to scream _Breaking news: this guy is a bastard! Run away while you can!_ But then she also wanted to say _Breaking news: I'm completely stupid and I fell in love with you all over again! Run away with me!_ Which, at times, even made her doubt if she indeed wished Raquel would break up with him because she was worried about her friend's safety or if was just because she was… well, jealous. But she dismissed that thought every time. No, she had worked with him enough time to know that she was right. And - unfortunately - she had been around him more than she would like to during this time working with Raquel to confirm that he hadn't changed. 

And she knew she was letting it show how much she hated him. She never made any efforts to like him, or to be gentle towards him, or to make small talk, or any of the polite things you're supposed to do regarding your friend's boyfriend.

"You don't really like my boyfriend, do you?" Raquel asked her one day, the street sounds surrounding them as they smoked. The question didn't come out in an angry or disappointed tone, it was just kind of a statement.

"Well, I don't really like _people_ ," Alicia shrugged, raising an eyebrow. "You know me."

Raquel laughed lightly.

"Should I consider myself privileged then?" She said, playfully. "You like me."

_Oh, I'm in love with you._

Alicia exhaled the smoke slowly and gave her a side smile.

"Only slightly," she said, and it caused Raquel to laugh again.

Apparently Alicia got away with that excuse. Raquel knew she didn't really attempted to be pleasant to anyone anyway.

But Raquel also noticed that Alicia suddenly began to avoid her a lot. She came up with excuses not to have lunch with her for a week, then she started to give her monosyllabic responses when they were talking. After getting a cold reply for her one day, Raquel decided to speak up about it.

"Okay, Alicia, it's been days you've been completely weird with me." Raquel crossed her arms. "Will you tell me what's going on?"

_Damn it,_ Alicia thought. She was getting behind on her acting. She took a mental note to work on it more the next days.

"It's nothing," Alicia shook her head.

"Alicia," Raquel insisted.

The redhead sighed.

"I'm just really stressed and tired, okay, I'm sorry."

"Fine," she wasn't convinced, "If that's all then we should do what we do when that happens, right?" She raised her eyebrows, thinking about their _girls night out_ thing.

"Okay," Alicia was forced to agree if she wanted to keep that act.

"Okay," Raquel said almost daringly. "Friday night, we're on."

Sometimes the fact that Alicia so determinedly tried not ever let her feelings show really got on her nerves. She had known since the Academy that that was how Alicia had always been, but they were friends now, and it made her sad that Alicia would consider her a friend and still wouldn't trust her enough to open up to her. 

The next day, to Raquel's surprise, Alicia arrived to the station in a much better mood, the same old Alicia making jokes and asking her to bring her coffee.

"What?" She replied to Raquel's confused face.

"I think I'll never fully understand you," Raquel shook her head.

Alicia smiled lightly and shrugged.

"Maybe it's better that way."

"So you're not stressed anymore?" Raquel raised her eyebrows. "Should we cancel our plans for tomorrow?"

"Don't you dare cancel them," Alicia smiled.

***

"Tell me again why did I accept this _happy-hour-drink-for-half-of-the-price_ thing?" Alicia inquired, feeling dizzy already.

"Because," Raquel stumbled the words out of her mouth, feeling very much drunk herself, "You were… very _very_ stressed."

She looked at the glass in her own hand and looked back at Alicia in disappointment when she realized it was empty. "It's over again? Why do these drinks end so fast?" 

"Because we… are drinking them too fast?"

Raquel nodded slowly.

"Right. That makes sense."

It was already dark outside, the lights of the bar danced in front of their eyes, the smell of dozens of cigarettes lit at the same time and the noises from other people's talks and laughters surrounded them in an almost ethereal yet cozy atmosphere.

There were songs playing, most of them going unnoticed by the two women, until one of them caught their attention.

Raquel startled.

"Do you remember that song?" She asked Alicia with her eyes wide open.

"No," Alicia lied. 

_Fuck, not that song._

"How come you don't remember?" Raquel pouted. "It's the song that played at that party in the last day of the Academy, right before we…"

Raquel stopped herself, the memories making their way into her slow and drunken brain. The redhead paralyzed. Raquel was going to bring that back. Now. After six months. Shit. Alicia didn't know if she wanted to tell her to shut up or to keep talking until she could see where it would go. Her own brain wasn't on the perfect state to think either.

"Right before we went into that bathroom and…" Raquel continued and let out a laugh. "We had sex? Do you remember you _kissed_ me and then we had _sex_ in a ladies bathroom?"

_Oh, God._

"Yeah," Alicia agreed, carefully, her heart speeding up.

Raquel laughed again, such a warm laugh that made Alicia laugh too.

"Why did we do that?" The brunette asked her, still laughing. "I thought you hated me."

"Oh, but I did," Alicia lied, the alcohol increasing the electricity that ran through her body. "And we did that," she bit her own lip and leaned closer to Raquel, trying to sound casual "because we were young and drunk and we wanted to have fun."

Raquel looked into her eyes for a few seconds before speaking again.

"You're right. I had a lot of fun," she nodded, smiling in a silly inebriated way, the alcohol loosening her ability to think before voicing out things that might be inappropriate. "Did you?"

"Nah," Alicia withdrew from her and leaned back on the chair. "I fell in love." She let words leave her mouth in a joking tone. She wasn't drunk enough not to be scared to confess them in a serious way.

Raquel gave her another long look before bursting out of laughter again. 

"It was a serious question, Alicia. Why are you never serious?"

Alicia shrugged, not sure if she felt disappointed or relieved that Raquel got it as joke.

"Except it wasn't a serious question. You're pretty drunk."

"I am," Raquel nodded smiling.

"Besides, I'm a funny person. I need to keep my reputation." She blinked, and Raquel's smile widened.

"I did miss you, you know," the brunette realized. "I told you that day that I would. I did."

Alicia's heart jumped.

"I missed you too," the sentence escaped and a soft smile appeared on Alicia's face before she could stop them.

"I like working with you." She continued. "We make a great team."

Alicia felt the eagerness to run away and hide grow inside of her, and again used joking as her copying mechanism. 

"Right, are you going to cry right now? Because I really don't know how to deal with crying drunks," she teased.

Raquel laughed once more.

"No, I won't. I promise."

In that moment, the waiter arrived with another two glasses of drinks.

Raquel took one and raised it.

"Here's to being young and drunk because we still are."

_And to having no fun at all anymore_ , Alicia thought.

***

_How much do you remember me saying last night?_

The message was on Alicia's phone when she woke up.

_Not much_ , she lied in response.

_Sorry if I said anything weird. Was really drunk._ Raquel's reply popped up right away. _See you on Monday, luv._

_Same. See ya._

Alicia pressed the send button while letting out a long sigh.

Comisario meowed at her from the floor beside of her bed.

"What?" she replied to the cat, exasperated. "What am I supposed to say to her?"

The cat jumped onto the bed and lay down on her lap, as if to comfort her.

Alicia's hands left the phone and started to caress him.

"You really do notice things, don't you?"

He meowed back in response.

  
"I'll take that as a _yes_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to tell me what you think!
> 
> Also if you guys have a twitter account I've been talking about this fic at @raliciaed :)


	4. Cigarette/Come Home With Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii everyone! It took me a little longer to update this time, but I hope this chapter makes up for the wait. It's one of my favorites so far and I hope you guys like it :)
> 
> Enjoy x

Raquel lay in bed while staring at the ceiling, her mind full of thoughts. Not only was she embarrassed about the things she had said to Alicia the night before – and she figured it right away that Alicia did remember everything, but lied about it to make her feel better, which somehow made everything worse – but she was also surprised with herself. Now that her brain wasn't filled up by alcohol anymore, she tried to understand what exactly did the substance produced in it on that bar. Why was it that when her restraints fell apart, she allowed the memories she had been avoiding since the moment Alicia walked into the commissary's office to finally take over her mind? Sure it was the song that provoked it, it was the song that brought her back to that certain night eight years ago. But that did not explain why those memories lingered on her mind until she fell asleep, why she kept recalling Alicia's touch, or the taste of her kiss, or the pressure of her tongue between her legs. And it certainly did not explain the _sensations_ she experienced at the bar, the warmth that occupied her heart when the song came up, or the rush of adrenaline that spread through her body when Alicia leaned on the table and got so close to her, or how she had never felt so good being around her like she did last night.

Or how she realized she was longing for Alicia's touch again.

It did not make sense. Why now?

Raquel decided she probably had way more to drink than the usual, and that it probably kept fucking up her brain for many hours. She ought to put all the blame on the alcohol. None of that would have happened if she was sober, right? Or at least not with that intensity. She probably would have just ignored the memories once again, or maybe even make a small joke about it, and Alicia would joke back, and that would be it. They would be fine once the song was over. 

But she still did not feel convinced, and it started to make her feel slightly anxious. Plus, there was another thing that was stuck in her head, and it was how Alicia joked about falling in love with her. Of course it had to be a joke, right? Raquel wished once more that she was sober last night, so she could have read Alicia properly. It had always been so frustratingly hard to decrypt the woman's feelings and, even though Raquel could say she had become great at it in the past 6 months, knowing Alicia much better than most people at this point, there were still times when even Raquel wasn't able to read her. Like those days when Alicia kept avoiding her. Could that have anything to do with what she said in the bar and, as a result, was it possible to imply that she was not actually joking?

Her mind wouldn't stop working, and when the doorbell rang and Alberto arrived and persisted in talking excitedly about things she didn't really pay attention too, he made a remark that her mind seemed to be somewhere else. She had to lie that she was worried about work, which caused him to laugh and tease her that she had spent enough time with Alicia Sierra to become a workaholic as well and that he would have to give her enough distractions before she decided to date work instead of him.

His first distraction was to fuck her up against the counter, and it worked. It was enough to bring her back to her senses, that she still had a boyfriend, that she loved him, and, therefore, there was no point in thinking about any of that.

During the next week, both women were committed to pretending those words spoken between drinks never existed. Nevertheless, Raquel caught herself trying to analyze Alicia a few times, just to remind herself over and over that it was meaningless.

Alicia, on the other hand, was determined not to get her hopes high. The fact that Raquel brought up that subject that night didn't mean anything. She was clearly embarrassed, she had apologized about what she said, and she had a boyfriend. A dickhead of a boyfriend, but still. Despite that, each time the _boyfriend_ subject came up in a conversation between them, Alicia felt the urge to open Raquel's eyes to him grow stronger. She felt as if, at some point, she wouldn't be able to hold it anymore and would just spit it out.

And that moment finally came. 

The clock announced 10 p.m. when Raquel decided it was enough work for a Thursday. The station was already very quiet and their office even more so, except for the sound of Alicia typing at the computer.

Raquel sighed, massaging her temples which promised her one more night of headaches.

"Hey," Alicia called her softly, noticing the gesture. "How about some late-night snack? Let's go to some shitty fast food. A burger with a lot of fat should be comforting."

Raquel shook her head.

"I can't. Although I admit I'm in desperate need of it," she smiled sadly.

"And may I know why?" Alicia inquired, raising her eyebrows.

Raquel sighed. "I haven't gone out with Alberto this whole week. I'm always busy with work or tired or something. I think he'd be upset if I went out with you tonight." 

"Raquel." Alicia had to refrain herself from rolling her eyes. She gave her friend a long look before deciding it was time to speak up. "With all due respect," she continued, crossing her arms, "Alberto Vicuña is a real son of a bitch."

Raquel blinked a few times, surprised, "Yeah, you don't like him, it's fine–"

"No," Alicia interrupted her, obstinate. "I've known him for a considerable amount of time, Raquel. I wanted to tell you this since our first day here, but I barely knew you back then and it was none of my businesses anyway. But we're friends now, so I think it's kind of my duty to tell you that he's an ass."

Raquel shook her head again, trying not to feel offended.

"Well, thank you, Alicia," she said calmly, "But you don't know him as I do."

Alicia rolled her eyes.

"It is _precisely_ because _I_ don't have pleasure-carrying neurotransmitters that are activated when I see him and thus impair my judgment, that I can tell you that he's a bad person."

Raquel crossed her arms, defensive, feeling the anger emerge in her stomach.

"And since when do _you_ get to declare who's a good or bad person?"

Alicia shrugged, irritated with Raquel's defensive mode, "I've always been good at it. Instincts that made me succeed in this work path? You should try it sometime."

Raquel laughed bitterly, "Yeah, okay. You know what? You were right. It's none of your business. You don't have the right to offend someone I love."

Alicia shrugged again, frustrated, "Fine. That's it, I've warned you. My job is done. If you don't want to listen then it's not my problem anymore."

"You've _warned_ me? _Warn_? About what?" Raquel got up, exasperated.

"Well, I don't know," Alicia retorted sarcastically, getting up too. "About him harassing colleagues? About his violent personality? I have a whole list, I can write it and send it to you as an email if you'd like."

"Alicia, for heaven's sake, what's got into you?" Raquel was utterly stupefied. "What the fuck are you talking about? Harassment? That is a serious accusation, do you have any proof?"

Alicia snorted.

"Oh, don't worry, you and I know he won't even get a warning."

Raquel shook her head once more, her face burning, and her body trembling with anger.

"You know what your problem is, Alicia?" She approached her desk until their faces were close. "You only see the worst in everyone. And you take pleasure in intimidating people, you make a real effort to make everyone feel uncomfortable in your presence. Maybe, just maybe, that's why people also don't show anything good about themselves to you."

Alicia looked at her for a few seconds in complete shock, the words hovering in the air and pounding in her ears.

"Wow," she finally responded, almost in a whisper. Then she nodded, gather her stuff up on the desk, and stormed out of the station without saying a word.

"Fuck," Raquel muttered, immediately regretting her words. "Alicia," she called, following her friend outside. "Alicia, wait," she called again, louder, trying to reach her. 

Alicia was almost opening the door of her before she stopped and turned around to face Raquel.

"I'm sorry," the brunette began, "I shouldn't have–"

"You know what my problem actually is?" Alicia interrupted her, the anger reddening her face. "My problem is that I care about you. And I shouldn't. You're right. I only see the worst in everybody. I should have done the same with you. But I also have some neurotransmitters of my own, you know? And they didn't let me do it."

Raquel froze. Did she just say what Raquel thought she said? Could it really mean…?

"Alicia," she whispered, carefully. "Are you saying–"

Alicia took a breath, leaning her back on the car. Screw it. She had lost the battle against herself. It was useless hiding it any longer. She looked into Raquel's eyes and verbalized it, unwavering. "Yes." 

The answer made Raquel feel like she had just been stroked on the head. This sudden confirmation of her suspects hit her stronger than any discovery she had made working in criminal cases during all those years. 

"I wasn't joking. That night at the bar." Alicia continued, firmly. "I did fall in love with you, that night at the Academy, I... am." She took her eyes away from Raquel's and stared at the floor.

Raquel gazed at the floor too, almost dizzy.

"Are you saying," she whispered again, "that all this time… Why didn't you…" Her mouth couldn't seem to find anything to say.

"It was supposed to be a one night stand." Alicia kept going. Since she finally confessed it, she figured she should as well just tell her everything already. She let the words flow relentlessly through her mouth. "I was just drunk and sad and lonely, and I _really_ couldn't care less about seeing you again after the Academy or not. But I caught myself thinking about you many times after that. And it freaked me out. I could have called you, but I panicked, so I never did. And it took me years but I finally got able to leave it all behind. Until life made us meet again and…” Alicia shrugged, still looking at the floor.

Raquel just stood there, astonished, still not sure what to say. “I…” She tried, but her head was spinning exceedingly fast instead of doing its job of thinking.

“And I probably shouldn’t have told you any of this,” Alicia carried on, bitterly, before the brunette could succeed at thinking of anything, “because now you’ll think that I’m trying to keep you away from your boyfriend because I like you.”

“No, I wasn’t going to–” Raquel began to claim, still baffled and feeling dumb.

“But it’s exactly because I like you that I don’t want you to suffer," Alicia interrupted her again, then sighed and finally opened the car door. “You know what, just... Forget about it. Good night, Murillo."

Before Raquel could gather herself up, Alicia had already left, leaving her in the midst of the hurricane in her head.

***

The next days at the station were silent. Both women didn't speak to each other except when extremely necessary. Alicia was still upset. More than that, she felt humiliated for losing control, for holding her feelings for so long just to pour them onto Raquel in the middle of the parking lot in the least adequate moment possible. 

There was nothing that Alicia hated more than feeling vulnerable in front of someone else. And Raquel knew that. Twice in her life, in two very different nights, she had seen her friend like that. And she knew that what Alicia wanted most at the moment was to stay away from her until she felt like she was in control again. Consequently, as much as Raquel wanted to talk to her and try to work things out, she knew that wouldn't be possible for a while and that Alicia needed some time.

Besides, she didn't really know what to do anyway. The atmosphere around the two of them was not only heavy but also weird after that unexpected revelation. Naturally, Raquel had reflected on it after the night of the fight. She decided that she would be lying if she said she didn't feel anything that night she had sex with Alicia. She came to the conclusion that, back then, if Alicia had called her, she probably would have dared to go further to wherever those feelings would lead them. But she didn't know how Alicia felt, and the fact that she never got a call from her made Raquel think that the redhead had really just considered that night an adventure without any commitments. For many times during the two weeks that followed the fight, Raquel caught herself imagining what would've happened if the two of them had kept seeing each other after that.

Alicia, in contrast, was trying to forget all of it at all costs. All she wanted at the moment was to build a wall between Raquel and herself so she wouldn't be able to see her anymore. Instead, the fact that she caught Raquel looking at her from time to time didn't help her either and made her even more annoyed. She could imagine what the brunette was thinking, what _she_ was imagining. What the hell did she want? Why couldn't she just forget everything Alicia said if she still was with Alberto? A couple of times during those two weeks, Alicia even wanted to tell her that it was all a prank and put an end to all of it once and for all. However, even though she tried her best to pretend Raquel wasn't there, it was really hard to ignore her presence, or not to notice the way she looked even sadder for the past three days, or not to care about it and hate herself for it. She couldn't help but wonder what had happened and she couldn't stop her own brain for subconsciously making her talk less coldly with the brunette when she had to speak to her for work purposes. 

For those reasons, Alicia anxiously waited for the weekend to arrive so she could have some rest from that situation. But that rest never came, because Raquel took the way Alicia seemed less angry with her as an opportunity to try to talk to her properly. And so, before the redhead could hurriedly get up and leave the station one more night, Raquel touched her arm softly, which made the other woman freeze, and spoke gently, "Alicia, can we talk? What do you say we have another girls night and make it a reconciliation edition?"

"I don't have anything to talk to you, Raquel," Alicia stated, once more sounding less harsh than she had intended.

"Alicia," Raquel repeated, resolute, tightening her grip around her arm, which caused the redhead to sense an adrenaline surge and mentally curse herself for it. "Please?" Raquel continued. "I can't go on like this. Come on, let's just sit and talk. You don't have to say anything if you don't want to, but, please, listen to me."

Alicia looked at her for a few seconds before giving in, sighing. It was not fair just how much she couldn't bring herself to say no to Raquel. "Fine."

***

"So I guess what I really wanted to say was I'm sorry," Raquel began, after taking a sip of her whiskey. "I shouldn't have spoken to you the way I did. I really don't want to hurt you in any way. And I actually appreciate you caring about me. Because I care about you too." She gave Alicia a soft and sad smile. "And I hate to be this distant from you, I hate pretending to ignore you at the station. All I want is for us to be us again, for me to roll my eyes at you when you tell me once again that I'm ugly as the devil after a night shift, or to piss you off at least one more time and call you diabetic for eating candies for breakfast."

Alicia couldn't help but smile a little.

"And I know," Raquel continued, "that you're embarrassed about what you confessed to me–"

"Just forget that," Alicia interrupted. "Please. It's okay."

"It is?" Raquel raised her eyebrows and Alicia shrugged.

"Well no, but to be honest I don't know what to do about any of this," _I don't know how can we be us again when you're not just a friend to me anymore, rather than someone I'm in love with_ , she thought. "So, for now, can we just skip the part where we talk like two mature people," she continued, "And go straight to the part of getting really drunk and then dance to some bad music as if we were two teenagers and as if none of this has ever happened? And we'll figure it out later?"

Raquel smiled brightly, relieved, and consented. She had no idea how to make things go back to normal again either, but that seemed like a good plan just now.

"Besides you seem like you need it anyway," Alicia teased.

"Because I look awful?" Rachel teased back.

"You said it." Alicia countered smiling.

"I..." Raquel started hesitantly. "Alberto and I had an ugly fight. So, yeah, I do need it."

Raquel looked at her expecting she would ask for more details, or maybe freak out about being the reason for the fight – which she was, indeed. But Alicia just raised her eyebrows and said nothing. Alicia noticed that Raquel didn't seem like she wanted to talk about it and she had just promised no conversation and a lot of alcohol. Details could be discussed another day.

Without further longings, Alicia asked the bartender for one more drink and looked at her defiantly, pointing at the glass in Raquel's hand, while she lifted her own. "The last one to finish pays the next round."

***

Raquel had forgotten what dancing with Alicia was like. She was _funny_ when she was relaxed. It was like the New Year's Eve party all over again, with them drunk dancing carelessly, getting closer and closer before even noticing, their breaths and respective cigarette smokes entangling together in the air, the smell of two different perfumes getting mixed up in one. 

Being so close to each other, both women felt fire through their veins, and it was increasing. Raquel did not try to stop the feeling. She did not try to force her brain to think. In fact, as she was moving, she did not for a second averted her eyes from the things they were attracted to – Alicia's hair, with its warm color and intoxicating smell, her skin, which looked so smooth she felt the sudden urge to touch, her lips, making a perfect movement each time smoke came out through them. At that moment, Alicia was like a black hole, a beautiful, mysterious, and fascinating force of nature that intrigued scientists, pulling her closer and closer, preventing her from looking away, daring her to go further, except, contrary to people's beliefs – and even her own – it wasn’t cold, but, instead, rewarded her insides with fire at each step she took. She couldn't run away. She didn't want to. The feeling was too good.

Alicia quite similarly felt her heart race to the point where she felt like she would have a heart attack, except it wasn't completely out of excitement, but rather due to anxiousness, because somewhere through the fire there was the low but permanent sound of a fire alarm, reminding her that fire was dangerous. Raquel was unsafely close and seemed too comfortable with it. She didn't seem worried about being so close to someone who had confessed to having feelings for her. Alicia locked her eyes into hers trying to read her. What was she doing? Because Alicia desperately wanted to close the remaining inches between them once and for all, and Raquel being so close didn't help her at all. Was this Raquel's way of torturing her?

When their eyes met, Raquel held her gaze for a few seconds before that sparkle that Alicia knew it meant she was having an idea appeared on her eyes and Raquel's lips formed the slightest smile.

"Come here," she took Alicia's hand, her touch making Alicia feel like she was going to combust, and led her to a close chair. "Have a seat. I want to do something."

Alicia frowned, "Wh–"

"Please?" Raquel interrupted her before she could finish, the same almost-smile on her face.

Again, Alicia couldn't bring herself to deny it. Raquel's behavior that night was like a box that said _Don't open_ and Alicia decided to ignore the warning because the need to know what was inside pulled her to strongly to it.

She sat on the chair and saw Raquel's lips formed a real smile this time. The brunette started dancing, inclining her body towards her, her hips moving slowly, swaying smoothly as she placed her hands on Alicia's shoulders. Her body moved on its own, as if it were air itself, as if she was a celestial creature involving Alicia in her ecstatic atmosphere. The redhead's heart seemed to skip a lot of beats and she tried hard to steady her breathing as Raquel's hips were moving so close to her own. She focused on ignoring the urge in her hands to touch them, to run her fingers through them, and bring them even closer.

Raquel kept moving, not sure what had gotten into her mind, but not worrying about it anyway. All she knew was that she wanted to do this. She wanted to have control over that black hole for a few minutes as if she had gladly embraced the force that drew her into it and then decided that she would go voluntarily. She moved her head until it was close to Alicia's again, the skin on her face suddenly missing the soft brush of the redhead's breath. She took a branch of hair away from Alicia's face and let her one finger slide through her face until it reached her lips, realizing they _were_ indeed still as smooth as she remembered. She suddenly felt the yearn to touch them with her own lips. She moved her head closer–

The movement finally made Alicia come to her senses and realize why the warning not to open the box was there in the first place. The urge to kiss Raquel was too strong. And she knew that once that happened there would be no way back. Kissing her would be like opening the box completely, and Alicia would be swallowed by it and suffocated to death. If she let that fire take over herself, she would definitely get burned and she knew how long it took for burn injuries to heal. As the fear suddenly turned the fire into ice inside of her, she pressed Raquel's shoulders and pushed her away, not as gently as she had intended.

"I'm going to go get some more drinks," she declared and ran away from their almost crime scene.

On her way to the front bar, her heart was now pounding from pure terror. What had just happened? What _would have_ just happened? She felt the world spinning, the lights swirling around her and making her mind a whole abstract blur. She poured two shots of tequila straight down her throat. God. Did Raquel really look like she wanted to – like she _was going to_ kiss her? Did she imagine the expression on her face? She took a few more drinks before she could be able to return to where the brunette was standing.

"Here," She handed her a drink, looking at the floor.

Raquel took the glass without saying a word but decided not to show her own embarrassment. She thought she should actually be thankful for Alicia having stopped her from doing something stupid like cheating on her boyfriend. But then, why didn't she _feel_ thankful? She decided that she would stay there for an hour at the most and then go home. She was confused and she needed a good night of sleep to clear her mind and come to her senses again.

But an hour was enough. Enough for Alicia to become more relaxed after that weird moment. Enough for a pouring rain to start, leaving the two women soaked when they reached the cab since they had to walk for a few minutes to get to where it was parked because the street didn't have any parking spots near the exit of the bar. Enough for them being so soaked that Raquel sneezed, and for Alicia to be sufficiently drunk to say: "Hey, my house is closer. We can go there, you take a warm shower and I can hand you some warm clothes and you can go home once this storm is over."

Raquel shook her head, "No, it's fine."

"Raquel, I swear to God if you catch a cold and leave all that work for me, I'm going to–"

"OK," Raquel decided. She hadn't had too much to drink in the past hour. She wasn't drunk enough to agree. But fuck it, she wanted to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo what do you think is coming next????? ;)
> 
> If you'd like please listen to the song Cigarette by Marika Hackman (https://open.spotify.com/track/0TZxE5lsxbqrdEWxxpHv34?si=7VbuIcBjSAGvLuL4OJv5OA), it reminds me a lot of the fight scene I wrote for this chapter and it makes me so emotional ughhh
> 
> And please tell me what you think!!


	5. At My Weakest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii everyone, I'm back! Thank you all so much for your comments and kudos!!
> 
> Ok, so, before this chapter, there's a few things I need to say:
> 
> 1\. I finally figured out how I'd like to name the chapters of this story, so I finally did. Since the title of this story comes from a song, I've decided to name each chapter after a song that reminds me of the events of said chapter, so there it goes. This one is named after the song from James Arthur.
> 
> 2\. I also decided that the song mentioned in chapter 3, the one that played at the New Year's Eve party and again at the bar was Beautiful Girl by INXS :')
> 
> 3\. I own some huge thanks to @zulemazhirr who always helps me and supports me with this story and who also proof read this chapter like a hundred times hdgfsdfg, I love you <3
> 
> 4\. And finally, I'm so so so so excited about this chapter!!! I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it <3
> 
> x

Alicia's apartment was large. One would think she felt lonely in there, yet it seemed quite cozy to Raquel, and, although the furniture looked expensive and sophisticated, the brunette did not feel out of place at all. It was warm and welcoming. A cat slept on the carpet of the living room, not at all disturbed by the lights on all of sudden or the two figures standing close to him. So that was Comisario, the cat she's seen about a million times from the pictures Alicia ever so often showed her at the station. Raquel felt like she knew a lot about the animal even though she had never seen him directly.

"Nice place," she complimented.

"Thanks," Alicia shrugged. "Wait until you see the bathroom," she joked, smiling.

Raquel smiled back. The two women stood there awkwardly looking at each other for a few seconds before Alicia broke the silence.

"Okay, so, bathroom is this way," she led the other woman through the hallway until they reached one of the doors. She opened it and allow Raquel to enter. "Wait here just a second," she told the brunette and disappeared down the hallway, returning with a white velvety robe folded in her hands. "Here," she offered her and Raquel accepted it.

"Thank you," she gave her a soft smile.

Alicia nodded and disappeared again.

Raquel closed the door and looked at the robe. Instinctively, she lifted the object to her face and smelled it. It smelled like Alicia. In fact, her scent was everywhere in the apartment. It was like being revolved by her every second as if she was drowning in the sea of Alicia. Despite that, to Raquel's surprise or not, she was not suffocating. Instead, it was like breathing fresh air after a long time.

She looked at the image in the mirror, her face buried in the robe, the yellow light embracing her in its comfortable ambiance. Was she losing her mind? 

She settled the robe on the sink, shaking her head, and started to undress herself – the coat, the boots, the jeans, the shirt, the bra, the panties. She looked at her own reflection again, thinking about how she was fully naked in Alicia Sierra's bathroom. 

Guest bathroom, she supposed as soon as she heard the sound of a shower running somewhere nearby. The thought that Alicia was also naked and not far from where she was invaded her mind before she could stop it. She shook her head again and opened her own shower. However, as the warm water ran through her skin, comforting as a hug, soothing away what was left of her worries, she was not able to let those thoughts go away. Instead, she wished the touch on her skin was not from the water, but from the woman in the other bathroom. 

She wondered if Alicia was thinking about her too. Was it fair that she wanted that to be true? It certainly wasn’t right. But she didn’t want to stop. 

Minutes of wandering thoughts later, Raquel left the bathroom. Snug in Alicia's soft robe, she crossed the hallway, looking for any sign of where the redhead actually was. At the end of it, there was a light coming from an open door, to which she presumed was Alicia's suite. 

She entered the room hesitantly, following the sound of a hairdryer, and stopped when she saw her through the half-opened bathroom door, the wet locks of hair that still remained becoming bright, vibrant red. She continued watching, almost hypnotized, lingering there for as long as the redhead did not notice her presence. 

The image brought back memories – that hair close to her face, between her fingers, the sweet smell of her conditioner turning into the air she inhaled. Raquel was awakened from her reverie when the hairdryer was abruptly off and Alicia came out of the bathroom. 

"Oh great, you're done," she commented. 

"I'm sorry I came in here," Raquel hurried to speak, "I heard the hairdryer so I went to look for you–" 

Alicia shook her head. "No problem, I won't blame you for using your detective instincts," she winked smiling. "Well, did the robe fit? Do you need anything else?" 

_ You. _

The quick thought intruded Rachel's brain. Damn, what the fuck was going on with her?

"Uh– a hairbrush," she stuttered. 

Alicia nodded. "I'll get that for you. Meanwhile, you can sit if you want to," she pointed to the bed and Raquel complied before hearing the sound of things being rummaged in a bathroom cabinet.

"I have an amazing leave-in conditioner here if you want to try it. It will fix your split ends," she teased, but her tone was relaxed, the way Raquel knew that alcohol left her. 

She rolled her eyes playfully and only then noticed the mirror facing the side of Alicia's bed. Instinctively, she raised one hand towards her hair, looking for such split ends.

At that moment, Alicia appeared in the mirror behind her, a hairbrush on one hand and said conditioner on the other. 

"May I?" Alicia's reflection asked Raquel's in the mirror, pointing at the brunette's hair. 

Raquel nodded in silence without taking her eyes from the mirror. Alicia sat behind her on the bed and started working on her hair, sliding her fingers through her wet strands, untangling them with delay. 

Raquel shivered slightly under the robe, uselessly hoping that the redhead hadn't noticed it – the mirror betrayed her, and right at that instant, the two women stared at each other through their reflections. The portrait created by the mirror was mesmerizing, the eyes of one woman trapped into the other's, Alicia's fingers still gliding so slowly that it seemed like that scene both women starred in lasted for hours and hours. The smell of the conditioner was the same sweet smell of Alicia's hair, Raquel noticed, inhaling deep, and that smell was now involving both women as if they shared a secret, something just the two of them could experience.

As time went by, the redhead sensed her own breathing speeding up. Her brain seemed intoxicated, captured by the woman in front of her, paralyzed, and unable to escape.

Finally, she swallowed and, without thinking, slowly brought her face closer to Raquel's neck, her breathing becoming increasingly uneven. 

Raquel shivered again at the warm touch of Alicia's breath against her skin and felt her heart racing. What she didn't know was that Alicia _was_ thinking about her too during her shower. She thought about how Raquel seemed to correspond to her at the bar, how she really seemed like she was ready to kiss her then, how she decided to come home with her. 

And how, at last, after that contemplation, Alicia was finally ready to open that box. Fuck the warning. She didn't care if its content would kill her. She couldn’t resist it any longer. She _wanted_ the fire, and if she got burned then so be it. 

Alicia pressed her lips onto the brunette's neck and Raquel couldn't help but let out a fainted sigh. Alicia kept going, kissing her skin softly, relieved when she felt the brunette's muscles relax under her lips. 

"Raquel," She whispered, her beautiful big eyes closed, her face still sealed against Raquel's neck. "Please tell me if I'm making a mistake," her voice sounded almost pleading, with a tone of sadness. "Tell me if I should stop right here." 

Raquel closed her eyes too, inhaling deep. There she was. No thoughts, no worries, no hesitations, just that same feeling that had pervaded her at the bar and now filled her up completely.

She had reached the core of the black hole. And she wanted to be there.

Her voice came out in an almost inaudible whisper. 

"Don't stop." 

Alicia released her own breath, her heart pounding, and went ahead. She placed kisses through the entire length of Raquel's neck, down to her collarbone and up again to the back of her ear, her fingers now intertwined in her wet hair. A light bite on her earlobe produced a low and furtive moan to come out of the brunette's mouth, and Alicia felt the fire burning her insides again. 

Slowly, she let her free hand slid under the robe Raquel wore, pushing it aside until her right shoulder was exposed. Her lips again met the incredibly soft skin, traveling from the shoulder to the scapula line, and repeating the process on the left side. Raquel took a deep breath, trying to control her breathing and concluding that it was in vain. With her lips still on her shoulder, Alicia slid her fingers down her neck, her long sharp nails gently brushing it, causing the brunette to shiver again. 

After a while, she suddenly stopped, forcing Raquel to turn around. When their eyes met, she noticed that Alicia's sparkling ones conveyed an intensity that would have frightened her, were it not for the fact that she had seen that look before – years ago, in a dirty bathroom at the end of a party, on a New Year's Eve. 

Then, without further ado, Raquel pulled Alicia's face close to hers and joined their lips together. 

Alicia responded immediately, turning the act into an avid and urgent kiss, finally fulfilling what she had so desperately wished to do in all those months that the two worked together at the police station. The taste of her mouth was better than she remembered, better than she had tried to recreate again in her dreams for so long. She let her hands go around Raquel's waist and the other woman immediately did the same, pulling Alicia closer, becoming more and more uncomfortable about the two layers of cotton fabric that separated her skin from hers as their kiss deepened.

A groan of protest escaped from Raquel when Alicia suddenly broke the kiss, only until she realized why she did so when the knot on her robe was slowly untied by Alicia's hands. The piece of clothing finally unveiled the front of Raquel's body and Alicia watched it deliberately, almost hypnotized. 

She slid her hands around the brunette's waist again, up to the side of her abdomen, nails again stroking her skin, but this time harder, until she reached her breasts. Alicia held one of them with her hand, brushing a finger across the nipple. Raquel tilted her head back and felt a spark take place inside of her when Alicia closed her mouth around it, sucking it lightly and then hard. 

She arched her body forward, desperately desiring the contact of her skin with hers, frustrated when it found Alicia's robe still there. The redhead noticed and immediately untied her own robe. Raquel helped her to undress it until she was completely naked in front of her, and then let her own robe fall to the floor. 

Alicia's warm skin against hers sent a surge of electricity through Raquel, who arched her body further forward as if it was possible to narrow even more the distance between the two, and joined their lips again. Alicia pulled her by the waist, making her sit on her lap, to which Raquel promptly obeyed, wrapping her legs around the redhead's waist. 

Alicia slid her hands down her back and kissed her neck again, biting her lightly here and there. Raquel gasped and moaned until, finally, her hands clamped tightly on Alicia's waist, letting out a louder moan than the previous ones, to which Alicia smiled mischievously and turned the two bodies together abruptly until Raquel was lying on the bed and Alicia was on top of her. 

She took one of Raquel's breasts again, nibbling and sucking without haste, listening to the brunette breathe heavily and moan, and feeling her body curving against hers again. Alicia's kisses slowly descended through Raquel's abdomen, while her hands slid around her waist and thighs, making her gasp. Alicia took her time there, partly because she wanted to enjoy every millisecond of what she had come to think would only be possible again in her dreams, and partly because she was delighted to watch Raquel's desperation to be touched where she most wanted.

Next, her lips roamed the way back to her ear, extending her suffering a little longer. Raquel pulled Alicia's waist closer to her, arching her body again, _craving_ for more contact. 

"Alicia..." she whispered breathlessly. 

Whatever she was going to say turned into a gasp when Alicia finally and unexpectedly decided it was enough and slid a finger over her clit.

She moved her face until it was exactly in front of Raquel's, pleased to see the expressions on her face as she continued to work on her clit. A sudden withdrawal of her hand made Raquel gasp again, moaning in protest until Alicia resumed the work on the same spot, this time with her mouth and tongue. Every second that Alicia enjoyed taking was one second more agony for Raquel, who now arched her body violently, and every moan from her sent a wave of electricity through the redhead's body. 

Raquel's moans grew louder and louder until they culminated in a single long one when she reached the orgasm, shaking violently. 

Panting, she leaned back on the bed, while Alicia promptly moved to lay beside her. She turned her face to the redhead, who removed a lock of hair from her face. The touch was tender, so different from the sharpness of the Alicia that intimidated everyone at the station, a privilege that Raquel had now come to experience for the second time.

She returned the gesture, caressing her cheek and locking their eyes together, unsaid feelings transiting through them. She then let a finger travel lightly over her freckles, watching Alicia close her eyes and sigh, and finally rested a hand on her neck and kissed her again, slowly. Her lips moved from Alicia's mouth to her neck, placing several kisses on her pale skin, while Alicia smoothed her hair, closing her eyes again and panting slightly. 

Her lips went down to her collarbone until they reached her breasts and Raquel noticed that Alicia was no longer caressing her hair, but instead was tightly interlacing her fingers between it. She proceeded to her abdomen, wanting to reciprocate her in the same way. When Raquel finally reached her clit, Alicia let out a low and soft moan, which made the other woman smile triumphantly. She was determined not to let Alicia hide what she was feeling, and so she continued, observing her effort being rewarded each time Alicia let out a loud moan and grabbed the sheet below her. 

Without stopping what she was doing, she let her hands roam around Alicia's body, sensing the redhead grasping said hands tightly as her pleasure increased. After a while, she released one hand from Alicia's grip and slid two fingers inside her. She carried on bending and moving them, slowly at first, then increasing the speed as Alicia's moans also increased, her body trembling and shaking, until she finally climaxed, releasing an initially choppy moan, followed by another at full volume, her body shuddering involuntarily.

Satisfied, Raquel lay down beside her again until the two of them could catch their breath. 

"You got better at that, Sierra," she teased, eliciting a loud, breathless laugh from Alicia.

"You weren't too bad either," she teased back. 

Raquel looked at her for a long time and, at last, came closer to her, letting her head rest on Alicia's chest and feeling the redhead's arms wrap around her body and pulling her closer to her. Raquel responded by wrapping her arms around her as well. The two remained like that, in silence, the nails of one sliding lightly through the other's back. 

"Alicia..." Raquel started, hesitant, breaking the peaceful silence that had lasted countless minutes. "This here... We..." 

"Shhh," Alicia asked softly. She took a deep breath, smelling Raquel's hair, and closed her eyes, "Not now." 

All she wanted was for that moment not to end, and to think about her relationship with Raquel and her feelings about her was as if someone was waking her up from a perfect dream. 

"Not now," she repeated.

"Okay," Raquel whispered, leaving a soft kiss on Alicia's chest and shutting up again.

Even after the room went dark as Alicia turned off her lamp, right before they fell asleep, moonlight still came in through the window. The image on the mirror now reflected it, as well as the silhouettes of two naked bodies interlaced.

***

Raquel woke up to the sound of more rain. She blinked her eyes a couple of times, trying to adapt to the light, finding the window that confirmed that yes, the sky continued to gush water without stopping. The window... Alicia's window. 

Raquel turned on the bed, startled, suddenly remembering where she was – and everything that had happened. She lifted her eyes and there she was, sitting, with a book in her hand and a dark-red silky nightgown covering her body. 

"Morning, beauty," Alicia joked, amused by the expression on Raquel's face. 

Raquel relaxed and smiled. "Very good morning indeed," she replied before a sting on her head made her raise her hands to her temples.

"Yeah, you do look hungover," Alicia noticed. She picked up a pack of painkillers on the nightstand and shook it in front of Raquel. "Here. I'll get you some water." 

Raquel watched as Alicia got up and walked out of the room, her short nightgown highlighting her curves. The details of last night took over her head and Raquel thanked the heavens for the rain – so inconvenient most of the time, very convenient in provoking Raquel to end up there the night before.

Alicia returned, putting an end to her thoughts, raising a glass of water in front of her. Raquel sat up, instinctively pulling Alicia's soft sheets over her body, which caused the redhead to laugh.

"Raquel," Alicia raised her eyebrows mischievously. "I saw a lot of your breasts last night. Covering them is not going to help you because I can recall them perfectly under those sheets there." 

Raquel rolled her eyes but gave in, dropping the sheets. "Alright, whatever. But I want one of those," she teased, pointing at Alicia's nightgown and taking the glass from her hand. 

Alicia smirked and, without saying anything, opened the wardrobe and took out a black and also silky nightgown, while Raquel drank the medicine and put the glass on the bedside table. 

"Is this one good enough for you, ma'am?" She teased.

"It's perfect, thank you," Raquel teased back and then got up and grabbed the nightgown, putting it on while Alicia lay back on the bed, turning on her side to watch her with a mischievous expression.

"It's still raining," Raquel commented with a tone of false unpretentiousness, staring at her.

"Yup," Alicia agreed, still looking malicious.

"And I bet my clothes haven't dried yet," she added, raising her eyebrows. 

"Nope," Alicia shook her head slowly, without taking her eyes off her. 

"So I can't go home yet," Raquel continued, pretending to be sad.

"Nope." 

"I'm going to have to stay here." 

"Yes." 

"Perhaps all day." 

"Yes," Alicia bit her lip. 

"I hope it's not a problem." 

"No." 

Raquel smiled roguishly and lay on her side on the bed in order to face Alicia. A few seconds of exchanging glances soon turned into a kiss, Raquel's hands sliding from her red hair to the silk of the same color.

Alicia was quick to do the same, lifting the equally thin fabric Raquel was wearing and brushing her nails lightly on the brunette's skin, starting on her thighs, lingering on her ass, finishing by completely crossing the way under the nightgown till Raquel's breasts and returning down until her fingers touched her soft spot. 

Raquel moaned against her mouth. "Fuck, Alicia," she managed to say, looking at the smug smile on the redhead's face. "Why… Would you lend me..." She gasped, trying to keep talking while Alicia's hand continued what it was doing. "This stupid nightgown... If we're not going to need clothes all d– Ahhhhh..." 

Alicia's smile widened, "All day, huh?" 

"Y–yes," Raquel barely managed to say. 

And that's what they did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you all might have noticed that I changed the rating of this fic because of this hahaha ;) 
> 
> I was really insecure about this chapter but I hope it worked?? 
> 
> Please tell me what you think! I love to see all of your comments! <3


	6. Heartlines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!!!!  
> I apologize for taking so long to update, I've been really really busy and also kind of struggling with how to put my ideas into words, but I hope I managed to do something decent with this chapter.
> 
> Small warning for mentions of domestic violence in this chapter but nothing graphic.
> 
> A huge thanks to my friend Letty for proofreading this for me once more <3
> 
> Enjoy!! x

Raquel let her body fall into the bed again, trying to recover her breath, her eyes unable to see anything other than the color red - not only from Alicia's hair but also from her last orgasm. 

"Already tired?" Alicia teased, tracing a finger through her neck. "I thought you said we would be doing this all day long."

"We will," Raquel replied, panting. "I hope you're in shape for this because you'll need it."

Alicia laughed and raised an eyebrow. 

"I'm always in shape."

"Good to know," Raquel smiled back, still panting before she felt a sudden complaint from her bladder. "Can I use your bathroom?" She pointed with her head to the door she saw Alicia walk through the night before, taking the steps that had changed everything.

"Sure."

Raquel got up the bed and entered the bathroom, just to be surprised by a little orange furry thing standing on the carpet. Comisario placed his eyes on her, scrutinizing the stranger at his house. She stared back at him for a few seconds, dumbfounded, realizing he probably got there while she and Alicia were  _ busy _ , until he meowed and ran away past her, leaving the bathroom. 

"Alicia," she turned around and stood at the threshold, narrowing her eyes in an embarrassed grimace, "your cat just saw me naked."

Alicia smiled and arched her eyebrows teasingly. 

"Don't worry, he's not shy."

"Well, I am," she replied, putting her hands on her hips. 

Alicia's smile widened.

"No, you're not."

Raquel rolled her eyes. 

"You're never going to let the sex tape subject go, are you? I swear to God-"

"I wasn't going to say that!" Alicia laughed. "Although that does qualify as evidence to my argument," she smiled mischievously, "I was mainly thinking about last night."

Raquel narrowed her eyes. 

"What do you mean?"

"Well. Most people shy away from the mirror," Alicia pointed at the object with a head movement. "You didn't."

"Oh." Raquel shrugged, looking at the object. "Why exactly do you have that mirror there, anyway?"

Alicia shrugged and smirked. 

"I'm a narcissist."

Raquel raised her eyebrows. 

"You were looking at me the whole time, though."

Alicia's smug expression faltered slightly and a trace of tenderness appeared. 

"I just wanted to make sure you were real this time."

"This time?" Raquel raised an eyebrow.

Alicia shrugged again. 

"You could say I touched myself thinking about you a couple of times." She then noticed Raquel's surprised expression and raised both of her hands like a criminal caught in the act, quickly adding "I'm just kidding!"

She was not.

"Alright, so that's it? That's your 'evidence' that proves I'm not shy?" Raquel continued teasing. "You've got to make some more efforts to convince the judge."

"Well," Alicia repressed a smile. "Since you asked, here's another one: you're  _ loud _ ."

A sudden blush appeared on Raquel's face. She wasn't expecting that. "That's… so not true!"

Alicia laughed again. 

"Admit it, Raquel."

She crossed her arms defiantly. 

"Yeah, right. Next time I'll show you what loud really is."

Alicia raised her eyebrows. 

"When's next time?"

"Soon. Not now. I'm hungry."

"Oh, right, I should make you some breakfast," she teased. "The perfect morning after cliché, am I right?"

"Oh, definitely not. I was thinking more of cereal or a microwave breakfast or just anything that doesn't involve you cooking because I don't trust you with that," Raquel teased back.

"Is that a dare, inspector Murillo?" 

Raquel smiled, pleased. 

"I don't know, is it?"

Alicia smiled back and got up with a determined expression. 

"Alright. You make yourself comfortable, I'm going to cook you something."

It took half an hour until breakfast was ready, the smell of food causing Raquel's stomach to protest with a loud noise.

"There you go," Alicia announced, after guiding Raquel to the kitchen. " _ Cafe con leche _ ,  _ ensaimadas _ and omelet  _ bocadillos _ .  _ Bon appétit, madame _ ."

Raquel raised her eyebrows, surprised. 

"You really did all of this for me?"

"You  _ know _ I'm physically unable to back away from a dare."

Raquel laughed.

"Yeah, I know. Let's see how you did in this task," she teased back. "What grade do you think you deserve,  _ Señorita _ Sierra, and why?"

“10/10, because it's not poisoned,” Alicia teased.

Raquel let out another warm laugh. 

"Right. Can you promise me that?"

"Oh, definitely. I can't murder you right now. There are still a few other things I'd like you to taste today," she blinked playfully. 

"Oh, thank you, I can't wait for that either," Raquel grinned.

"Well then hurry up," Alicia pointed to the chair, inviting Raquel to sit, and the brunette complied.

"Okay, fine. This tastes great," she admitted, after taking a bite of the  _ ensaimada _ . "You passed the test."

"Of course I did," Alicia smiled triumphantly and joined her at the table, taking some of the food as well.

***

It didn’t take long until their very own electromagnetic force did its work as the two women were attracted towards each other once again, electrically charged particles moving together ardently, mouths and tongues, hands and thighs, heat and wetness, climaxes and exclamations, on the kitchen counter, against the wall, in bed again, in the shower –  _ “Shower sex is so overrated”, “I know, right?”, “Should we do it anyway?”, “Of fucking course” _ – the hours, the never-ending rain, the sunset, the moon.

The two of them lying in bed, entangled in each other’s arms again, blue and brown eyes locked. 

“You know how you told me that I only saw the worst in everyone?” Alicia spoke softly, still looking deeply into the other woman’s eyes.

Raquel looked guilty and opened her mouth to say something, but Alicia interrupted her with a hand movement.

“Don’t worry,” she continued. “I’m not mad. You were right. I do have this big wall that I put between me and everyone else because I have trouble trusting people. I’ve learned to expect the worst from them. Do you want to know why?

Raquel nodded kindly.

“Of course.”

"Okay," Alicia took a deep breath. "So... my father was a drunken violent asshole who would beat the shit out of my mother in front of me nearly everyday when I was a kid. And I had to watch all of it. Including my mother becoming less and less herself and basically deteriorating physically and mentally. I decided it was my job to protect her, so I had to forge myself, to become steel in order to be what she needed me to be. And, at the same time, I told myself I would never allow anyone to be close to me, at least not close enough to hurt me," she inhaled deep again. "So that’s… pretty much it."

“Oh God,” Raquel responded in shock, taking a deep breath as well. "Alicia, I'm so, so sorry," she squeezed Alicia's arm gently in order to comfort her. 

“Thank you,” Alicia nodded. “But it’s fine, really, it was a long time ago.”

“I had no idea. To be honest, well… at the Academy, I always took you for someone who had a perfect and wealthy family.

Alicia chuckled.

“I know, you and everyone.”

“Well, to be fair,” Raquel smiled affectionately, “you did look a lot like the beautiful-rich-mean girl stereotype.”

Alicia chuckled again. 

“I  _ was _ rich. My bastard father finally died – well, first he abandoned us and then he died – and I inherited his money," she gave her a sad smile. "Cancer. Anyway, what I really wanted to say with all of this is, you know what I’ve always liked about you?”

“What?” Raquel raised her eyebrows curiously.

"That you’re completely the opposite of me on that matter. And even though sometimes it makes me worried for you, because I think it's something that opens the door for people to hurt you or take advantage of you… I must admit that I kind of envy you for that,” she gave her a soft smile. “I actually admire this quality of yours. That you’re able to see the good in everyone. That you were able to see it in me,” she smiled softly again and Raquel did the same. “I know I’m kind of a hard person to like,” she continued, “and I don’t have a lot of friends… So, thank you, I guess.”

“You’re not a hard person to like,” Raquel answered gently but firmly, shaking her head. 

“Come on, you know it’s true. People hate me at work.”

“No, no, they don’t. They respect you. You’re brilliant, you’re strong-minded and you’re indomitable. You’re… a hurricane, you know? And insecure policemen with small penises are just not ready to deal with that,” she smiled warmly and Alicia mimicked her. “That’s just it. Plus, when someone gets to know you well I’m pretty sure there’s no way not to love you.”

_ Love _ . The word did not go unnoticed by the redhead, but she kept it to herself.

“Yeah, well,” Alicia sighed, “nearly no one gets to know me well. Mostly because I don’t let them, so it’s my fault anyway,” she shrugged.

“Well, you should. I’m glad you let me in,” Raquel smiled.

“Me too,” Alicia smiled back.

They remained there in silence for several minutes, absorbing each other’s presence and tracing fingers through each other’s skin.

"I would have answered, you know?" Raquel finally declared, breaking the silence, her fingers now following Alicia's palm lines, like a piece of drawing that she wanted to memorize and recreate in her mind. "If you had called me at that time. I would have said yes if you asked me out or something. In fact, ever since you told me all those things that night in the parking lot, I kept wondering what could have happened between us if you had called me-"

"Stop," Alicia interrupted her, shaking her head, pulling her hand away a bit harshly from Raquel but quickly returning it and gently interlacing their fingers together. "Let's just… not go there. There's no point in thinking about what could have been, you know. I've always thought it's useless to suffer about the past, about something you can't change. Some people get completely insane thinking about  _ what-ifs. _ And…” she hesitated, afraid of telling too much. But then she had already made herself completely vulnerable in front of Raquel, so there was no sense in keeping her defenses up anymore. She continued. “I’m afraid I’d be one of those people if I allowed myself to think about it. Especially because it was my fault," she sighed. "It was my choice not to reach out to you. So I’d probably drown in my own guilt. You know I left Madrid?”

Raquel raised her eyebrows, allowing her to go on.

“After we graduated. I thought perhaps being far away from you would help me get over you faster. I had an opportunity to get a master’s degree in the U.S., so I took it.”

“How was it like there?” Raquel inquired softly.

“It was nice, actually. It was good to breathe new air after spending my whole life in this city.”

“Yeah, I can imagine. When I was a kid, I used to imagine myself living on an island, far away from everyone and everything. It would just be me and my dog.”

Alicia laughed tenderly. 

“Were there local people on the island?”

“No. It was literally just me and my dog and a coconut tree,” she laughed at the memory.

“Oh My God, were you planning on eating coconut for the rest of your life!?” 

Raquel laughed again. 

“I wasn’t really planning anything!"

“Well,” Alicia smiled, “then when did you become the Raquel I’ve known since the Academy, the one who’s always worrying and trying to be one step ahead of everyone, the one who reminds me of myself?”

“That would be when my dog died a few days after I turned 8,” Raquel joked and the two of them laughed out loud again. “That also put an end to my island dream."

"So, you see," Alicia resumed her dissertation, less serious this time. " _ If _ you had run away to live on that island we would never have met each other. But there's no point in thinking about it because it didn't happen."

"Right, I get it," Raquel consented, laughing. “So, if we're not supposed to think about the past nor what the past could have been," she continued, softly, "what exactly should we do?”

Alicia shrugged. “We can focus on the present." 

Or the future, she thought, but she was too afraid to think about it. She wanted to focus on the present because right now they had created a perfect fantasy, and not knowing whether that fantasy would last or if Raquel would rather shatter it, spreading a thousand cuts through their bodies, was too much for her to bear right now. And Raquel, somehow similarly, was also living in the present, that much restricted present whose limits went as far as avoiding reality since their last night at the bar. She had pushed away all feelings of guilt, she had pushed away  _ Alberto _ from her mind, and had been concentrated on living in that shiny happy bubble she had put around her and Alicia, as if they were in another dimension, as if they were characters from a book that would never end as long as she didn’t think about anything outside that fictional scenario; after all, the reader decides whether to reach the end of the story or to just be stuck at their favorite chapter forever. And right now, that is where they wanted to be. Neither of them wanted to think about anything at all. So they did not.

"Okay," she replied. "Present seems good to me."

***

The next day went by equally amazing. Raquel realized that, God knows how, she had probably made a good first impression on Comisario, because the cat decided to follow her around and ask for affection – mainly by jumping onto her lap when she least expected – which Alicia seemed to find very funny.

"He either ignores people as if they're not worthy of his time," the redhead declared, "or simply won't let them go at all. I'm glad you fall into the second category."

"He's cute," Raquel smiled. "And that coming from me is really something because I'm not really a cat person. I like you too, Comisario."

Needless to say, the cat got really upset when they stopped giving attention to him to give physical and intimate attention to themselves again.

But they could not help it, as they were in fact magnets. If during some time in the past they mostly repelled each other, most certainly because they presented each other with equal poles, now the two magnets had turned around so that the other poles, the ones that attracted each other, had finally met, and wouldn't separate unless another force obliged them to.

The rain finally decided to give a break, the bright sunlight illuminating the kitchen as the two women joined their skills to cook themselves a late lunch, and then the living room as they lay on the sofa, the legs of one interlaced into to the others, while they did the cliché people at the station would usually mock you about: watch a crime TV show.

But Raquel had always loved it and couldn't hide her excitement when Alicia pulled a box of DVDs from the shelf and announced with a beam on her face:

“The latest season of  _ Criminal Minds _ .”

Sunlight had already turned into moonlight when they finally decided to stop binge-watching and go to bed. They had work the next day, after all. Usually, the transition from Sunday to Monday would make Raquel grumpy, but not this time. Not with Alicia putting an arm around her waist and placing a good night kiss on the back of her shoulder. This time she felt peaceful.

***

Almost everything looked exactly the same at the station in the next couple of days. However, if you are someone who mainly  _ investigates _ for a living, one could say you are not exceedingly good at your job if you did not notice how Raquel Murillo and Alicia Sierra arrived together at the station, or how inspector Murillo had been wearing the same clothes since Friday; or if you entered their office to deliver some paperwork and did not notice how they seemed to be in an oddly good mood, or how they kept smiling at each other all the time for no apparent reason; or perhaps if you walked past both women separately in the hallway at two different times and did not realize both women's hair had the same smell; and you probably should stop bragging to your coworkers about being one of the best in your field if you did not notice the few orange furs on Raquel's pants.

Luckily for Raquel and Alicia, the most brilliant inspectors in their current workspace were themselves, especially since their magnetism remained strong even there. 

What was supposed to be an exchange of papers from one desk to another quickly turned into Alicia pressing Raquel against her desk and joining their lips together. Raquel responded by sitting on the desk and involving Alicia's waist around her legs, pulling her closer.

The kiss slowly became a fuss of hands running through each other, until Alicia reached Raquel's belt and started to release it.

"Wait," Raquel interrupted her, "Are we really doing this? You know there's a camera in this room, right?"

Alicia shrugged. 

"Well, then whoever is in charge of the station cameras, today is their lucky day."

Raquel raised an eyebrow. 

"You know we can get in trouble for this."

"I don't care," Alicia proceeded to kiss her neck and bit her earlobe lightly, before whispering into her ear, "do you?" 

Raquel closed her eyes and inhaled heavily. 

"Not really."

"Fine then."

Then there were belts untangled, unbuttoned shirts and unzipped pants, hands meeting soft spots and mouths struggling to repress moans to sound outside the office. Of all the things Raquel imagined she would do on the day she was assigned to this case, having sex with Alicia in the station two days in a roll was not one of them, but then life had its nice surprises every now and then. 

By the end of their shift on Tuesday, Raquel decided it was time to go to her own house.

"I have to water my plants," she replied to Alicia's protests, "and also maybe change these clothes, finally?" Raquel chuckled. "But what do you say you meet me at my place in two hours? We could order some pizza or some other kind of non-nutritive food."

"Fine," Alicia gave in. "I'll bring the candies," she added teasingly.

Not just because of the clear sky, that finally got rid of the heavy clouds it had been wearing for the last few days, the world looked brighter to Raquel, to Alicia, and even to the green flowered dress that finally saw something other than the back of Raquel's closet as she put it on with a radiant smile on her face. What they did not realize was that they had reached the pinnacle of that perfect dream from which you wake up too soon and therefore never get to see the awaited perfect ending.

A ring of the doorbell startled Raquel up. Alicia had arrived sooner than she expected, nevertheless, her stomach jumped from the fire of excitement that gathered up inside of her, and she headed towards the door with a grin on her face. She unlocked the door with haste, but as soon as it was open, her smile faded and her stomach sunk into deep cold. 

It wasn't Alicia.

In a matter of seconds, Raquel was ripped away completely from the fantasy she had been living for the past five days, as reality hit her like a bucket of cold water ruthlessly waking her up. 

She swallowed hard.

"Hi," Alberto said, the expression on his face portraying something Raquel was unable to decipher. "We need to talk. Can I come in?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to tell me what you think!! I love to hear from all of you <3333


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